Stop And Stare

Untitled

2010-02-13T11:42:00.000-08:00

She speaks for she has no shame
I sit there in envy, wishing I could do the same
Silence takes over, and I try to convince myself
I'm a good person I say

I shouldn't let one mistake define me
Take control over my world
Shouldn't let it write me a whole new destiny
Steal away my comfort

It was a moment of weakness, I repeated
Everyone's bound to mess up at some point
I tried so hard to make myself believe it
Yet somehow, I found myself at a breaking point

As I looked at her, tears started rolling down my face
For I will never have this satisfaction, of speaking with no shame!

Hot - Inna

2009-03-04T06:08:00.000-08:00

I've been addicted to this song. It's stuck in my head! <3

---------

I came back from Lebanon Monday night, and I had the best vacation ever! I've done so much in one week. I'll post about it later! Enjoy the song for now.

At the end

2009-01-31T09:54:00.000-08:00

That whole incident was a turning point in my life!
& now, it all changes!

"That part of me left yesterday. The heart of me is strong today. No regrets I'm blessed to say, the old me is dead and gone away"

Come walk with me through, Just like we used to! ♪

2009-01-25T05:41:00.000-08:00

I had you; I had it all, & now you're slipping away slowly! Ever since you put up your wall, it's been impossible to understand you. I want to stop it, stop this, but I don't know how to! I tried once and again, yet I failed. I don't think I can handle going through this all over again. You are my person, and I'm going to do whatever it takes. I won't let go, ever. It's a promise! You just need to take a ride down memory lane, to remind yourself of everything we've been through. For the sake of this friendship, wake up, cause I'm here, waiting for you!
Dearest,
I love you!

"There was a time that we'd stay up all night
Best friends talking till the daylight
Took the joys alongside the pain
With not much to loose, but so much to gain"

Untitled

2009-01-12T09:47:00.000-08:00

"I guess you are right, I’m afraid. I'm afraid to put my guard down. I’m afraid that if you know all that I am, you won’t feel the same. And I’m afraid that once my barrier is defeated, and I’m comfortable, that you’ll walk away!"

Tagged By Hana

2008-12-03T11:39:00.000-08:00

"pick a person ONE PERSON that we all know which is A BLOGGER THAT BLOGS!! IN BLOGGER IOR WORDPRESS!! only one!! and describe that person and tell her/him some stuff that you like about them and if there are any negative points then say them too!! and write the name!!"

I pick Rawryy!
You're one of the sweetest people I know. You're very talented mashallah, and I enjoy reading what you write A LOT. "you better get some of your work published :p". You're funny, & you like to do crazy stuff and that's yet another thing I love about you ;p. I like the fact that you enjoy reading all kinds of books, and I like your type in music. Last but not least, I think you have an amazing personality =).

Her Anguished Soul

2008-10-18T11:46:00.000-07:00

She curled up in her bed, trying to escape her misery. But she couldn’t sleep because her dreams were worse than reality. He haunted her every thought. He tore her world apart. However, she couldn’t get away from him, for he had complete control over her life, over her heart. He was her dreaded master, her one and only love. The man who had forsaken her, and left her to pick up the pieces he had gotten rid of. So now, this is how her life has become, torture she couldn’t escape from. She needed an exit. But who would she turn to if he was her only savior, if he was her one?

Breathe ♥

2008-10-14T05:48:00.000-07:00

"There's a light at each end of this tunnel, you shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out. And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again. If you only try turning around. 2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song. If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me, threatening the life it belongs to. And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd, cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud. And I know that you'll use them, however you want to." ♪

School has been really hectic and stressful. A lot of changes have been happening, like for instance, they stopped giving us GP. "Government English Program?". They changed all the english books as well. We're taking IBT this year, and SAT the year after. That's not new for the school, but it is for me. & what's up with taking Computer in Arabic? :S That's really fucked up, and HARD. On Sundays, we have Biology, Physics, Chemistry, & Math after each other =/. Torture much?
A lot of the girls that I get along with are moving to other classes. Our class is already "marvelous", with those new girls moving to it, it's going to be... ?
-____-
Allah Ystor.
I'm really not up for studying, my brain is still vacationing. I can't focus, and I can't get myself to open any kind of books. I've been sick for the past month? On and off, it's crazy, and really exhausting. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.
I want to do something crazy, something fun, something out of the ordinary..
Any suggestions?

Boredom

2008-10-05T10:28:00.000-07:00

*R.n.h ... says:
if you had the chance to be a guy instead of a girl would you take it ? :p
*R.n.h ... says:
loooool
FiFi - [For Forever!<3]--[MotherChucker ♥] says:
Nope..
FiFi - [For Forever!<3]--[MotherChucker ♥] says:
I like being a girl =)
*R.n.h ... says:
guys a7san :p
*R.n.h ... says:
you get more freedom oo 7aya :p
FiFi - [For Forever!<3]--[MotherChucker ♥] says:
bs heik guys chace girls, amma girls get chaced by guys .. =)
FiFi - [For Forever!<3]--[MotherChucker ♥] says:
ya3ni bidoonna mafii 7ayat aslan :p
*R.n.h ... says:
-___-
*R.n.h ... says:
la2 bas bedoonik entee o layan :p
*R.n.h ... says:
ama el ba2ee la teeezy :p
*R.n.h ... says:
haha
*R.n.h ... says:
'3eer mama :p
*R.n.h ... says:
oo emek :D
FiFi - [For Forever!<3]--[MotherChucker ♥] says:
affaaa ya rassem.. no no im sure kolhum you appreciate them and you love them..
*R.n.h ... says:
walek kont bamzaa7 -__-
FiFi - [For Forever!<3]--[MotherChucker ♥] says:
ya3ni la t7awil.. girls rule, guys follow ;) <<< eish da5al, i dunno
*R.n.h ... says:
looooooooool
*R.n.h ... says:
T5AAASIIII :p
FiFi - [For Forever!<3]--[MotherChucker ♥] says:
"Nod" 2illa
*R.n.h ... says:
we will talk about it ma3 layan bokra :p
FiFi - [For Forever!<3]--[MotherChucker ♥] says:
inshallah :p
*R.n.h ... says:
without guys you guys are nothing banat 3al fadee :p
FiFi - [For Forever!<3]--[MotherChucker ♥] says:
:
FiFi - [For Forever!<3]--[MotherChucker ♥] says:
la tkammil ..
FiFi - [For Forever!<3]--[MotherChucker ♥] says:
WE GIVE BIRTH TO YOU, SO LA YKTHAR :p
*R.n.h ... says:
we help you soo la yekthar :p
FiFi - [For Forever!<3]--[MotherChucker ♥] says:
bs ni7na we get pregnant for 9 fuckin months babe :p.. ya3ni mafii mo8araneh aslan :p
*R.n.h ... says:
we give you the thing that maked the baby so without it mafee shee esmoo 9 months :p
*R.n.h ... says:
makes*
FiFi - [For Forever!<3]--[MotherChucker ♥] says:
the thing that makes the baby ? "Cracks Up"
*R.n.h ... says:
what ever :p
*R.n.h ... says:
i dont wanna say el esem :p
*R.n.h ... says:
looooooooooooooool
FiFi - [For Forever!<3]--[MotherChucker ♥] says:
hmm okay .. :p
FiFi - [For Forever!<3]--[MotherChucker ♥] says:
il mohim.. iza mafii ni7na, where are you gonna use "the thing that makes the baby" :p
FiFi - [For Forever!<3]--[MotherChucker ♥] says:
try to get another guy pregnant ya3ni ? :p mafii amal
FiFi - [For Forever!<3]--[MotherChucker ♥] says:
:p
*R.n.h ... says:
bel 2roood and get aids "Wide Smile"
FiFi - [For Forever!<3]--[MotherChucker ♥] says:
Wow, lucky you ..

Crap

2008-09-23T07:15:00.000-07:00

-My sister left to uni. on the 20th. The house is so weird without her. I'm the only girl in the house now, and my brothers are driving me crazy =/. I'm glad they started school awal Ramadan.

-I'm not looking forward to the Eid! I think it's going to be as gay as last year's lol.

-I've got 2 more episodes and I'll be done with the 6th season of Sex & The City =D. "I know in Ramadan, Isra'3farallah, but I had nothing better to do."

-I noticed that I'm a really cold person =/.

-Ramadan passed so quickly. I kinda enjoyed it.

-My baby brother mo9ir to put me nail-polish =S, "I DON'T WANT ufftt"

-I don't want to start school :.gun.

-I finally found the Gossip Girl book i was looking for, since 9 months.

-I don't think things will ever be the same again =). I still love you though!

-Cherry ChapStick DOES taste good :p.

-6fisht, bye!

Ugghh!

2008-09-12T16:55:00.000-07:00

I really really hate ilnas illi tafkeerhum '3alat =S

And There You Were

2008-09-07T17:37:00.000-07:00

I went to his place 3 weeks ago. It was his last day there. It was the last day I was going to see him, because he was leaving to London to get settled for college. It was supposed to be this perfect day. The perfect goodbye. Although it wasn't. Not even close. We went out with some friends to ZeeDiner. It wasn't so much fun. Then the whole group went back to his place. We talked, played cards, and played chess "Yes we are dorks :p". It was about 2:00 am, and I had to leave. We went down, said goodbye like we do everyday, I rode in my car, and we drove off. It was really weird. I txted him asking what the hell that was, and he told me he didn't want a goodbye, he couldn't handle one. He left the next morning and that was it. He was in London and I came back to Riyadh.

I was talking to him the other day online and he told me that his parents were coming back in 2 days. "Which was yesterday". I asked him if he was coming, he said no. He couldn't cause of some weird reason. He told me how he wished he could come back and see us all, how he wanted to spend time in Riyadh.

He called me yesterday and told me that he got me the joker shirt I asked him for, and that he's going to send it with Omar today. Omar called me at 9 and told me that he was on his way, so I dressed up and waited. The phone rang and he told me he's out-side. I went down and opened the door, and there he was. Standing infront of me. I stood there mtan7a for a while, then I hugged him, and punched him for lying to me :p. It was a great surprise, and I'm so glad he's back. I missed him, my cousin, my bestfriend! The older brother that I never had =).

Dance With The Devil - Immortal Technique

2008-09-04T04:25:00.000-07:00

It's worth reading, I promise.

[Verse 1]
I once knew a nigga whose real name was William
his primary concern, was making a million
being the illest hustler, that the world ever seen
he used to f**k moviestars and sniff coke in his dreams
a corrupted young mind, at the age of thirteen
nigga never had a father and his mom was a feen
she put the pipe down, but forever yeah she was sober
her sons heart simultaneously grew colder
he started hanging out selling bags in the projects
checking the young chicks, looking for hit and run prospects
he was fascinated by material objects
but he understood money never bought respect
he build a reputation cuz he could hustle and steal
but got locked once it didn't hessitate to squeal
so criminals he chilled with didn't think he was real
you see me and niggaz like this have never been equal
I dont project my insurecurity's at other people
he feeded for props like addicts with pipes and needles
so he felt he had to proof to everyone he was evil
a fever minded young man with infinite potetial
the product of a ghetto ... capatalistic mental
coincidentally dropped out of school to sell weed
dancing with the devil, smoked until his eyes would bleed
but he was sick of selling trees and gave in to his greed

[Hook]
Everyone trying to be trife never face the consequences
you propably only did a month for minor offences
ask a nigga doing life if he had another chance
but then again there's always the wicked at new and advanced
dance forever with the devil on a code cell block
but thats what happens when you rape, murder and sell rock
devils used to be gods, angels that fell from the top
there's no diversity because we're burning in the melting pot

[Verse 2]
So Billy started robbing niggaz, anything he could do
he'd get his respect back, in the eyes of his crew
starting fights over little shit, up on the block
stepped up to selling mothers and brothers the crack rock
working overtime for making money for the crack spot
hit the jackpot and wanted to move up to cocaine
for filling the scarface fantasy stuck in his brain
tired of the block niggaz treating him the same
he wanted to be major like the cut throats and the thugs
but when he tried to step to 'em, niggaz showed him no love
they told him any motherf**king coward can sell drugs
any bit*h nigga with a gun, can bust slugs
any nigga with a red shirt can front like a blood
even Puffy smoked the motherf**ker up in a club
but only a real thug can stab someone till they die
standing in front of them, starring straight into their eyes
Billy realized that these men were well guarded
and they wanted to test him, before business started
suggested raping a bit*h to proof he was cold hearted
so now he had a choice between going back to his life
or making money with made men, up in the cife
his dreams about cars and ice, made him agree
a hardcore nigga is all he ever wanted to be
and so he met them friday night at a quarter to three

[Hook]

[Verse 3]
They drove around the projects slow while it was raining
smoking blunts, drinking and joking for entertainment
untill they saw a woman on the street walking alone
three in the morning, coming back from work, on her way home
and so they quietly got out the car and followed her
walking through the projects, the darkness swallowed her
they wrapped her shirt around her head and knocked her onto the floor
this is it kid now you got your chance to be raw
so Billy oaked her up and grapped the chick by the hair
and dragged her into a lobby that had nobody there
she struggled hard but they forced her to go up the stairs
they got to the roof and then held her down on the ground
screaming shut the f**k up and stop moving around
the shirt covered her face, but she screamed the clouts
so Billy stomped on the bit*h, until he broken her jaw
the dirty bastards knew exactly what they were doing
they kicked her until they cracked her ribs and she stopped moving
blood leaking through the corpse, she cried silently
and then they all proceeded to rape her violently
Billy was meant to go first, but each of them got a turn
ripping her up, and choking her until her throat burned
a broken jaw mumbled for god but they weren't concerned
when they were done and she was lying bloody, broken and broos
one of them niggaz pulled out a brand new twenty-two
they told him that she was a witness of what she'd gone through
and if he killed her he was guaranteed a spot in the crew
he thought about it for a minute, she was practicly dead
and so he leaned over and put the gun right to her head

(Sample from 'Survival of the Fittest' by Mobb Deep)
I'm falling and I can't turn back
I'm falling and I can't turn back

[Verse 4]
Right before he pulled the trigger, and ended her life
he thought about the cold pain with the platinum and ice
and he felt strong standing along with his new brothers
cocked the gat to her head, and pulled back the shirt cover
but what he saw made him start the cringine studder
cuz he was starring into the eyes of his own mother
she looked back at him and cried, cuz he had forsaken her
she cried more painfully, than when they were raping her
his whole world stopped, he couldn't even contiplate
his corruption had succesfully changed his fate
and he remembered how his mom used to come home late
working hard for nothing, cuz now what was he worth
he turned away from the woman that had once given him birth
and crying out to the sky cuz he was lonely and scared
but only the devil responded, cuz god wasn't there
and right then he knew what it was to be empty and cold
and so he jumped off the roof and died with no soul
they say death take you to a better place but I doubt it
after that they killed his mother, and never spoke about it
and listen cuz the story that I'm telling is true
cuz I was there with Billy Jacobs and I raped his mom too
and now the devil follows me everywhere that I go
infact I'm sure he's standing among one of you at my shows
and every street cypher listening to little thugs flowe
he could be standing right next to you, and you wouldn't know
the devil grows inside the hearts of the selvish and wicked
white, brown, yellow and black colored is not restricted
you have a self destructive destiny when your inflicted
and you'll be one of gods children and fell from the top
there's no diversity because we're burning in the melting pot
so when the devil wants to dance with you, you better say never
because the dance with the devil might last you forever

Back To The Sandbox <3

2008-08-31T02:57:00.000-07:00

So this is my third day in Riyadh, and it's been cool. I'm really glad to be back =). I missed my home, my room, & my bed <3. But it's too damn hot here, the AC has been on since before yesterday and it's still hot. Plus ramadan is coming. Allah be3een =).

Anyway, my summer was pretty boring as I mentioned before. There was nothing to do except for watching movies & going to coffee shops. The funnest part of the whole summer were the wedding & engagements. I've been to 2 engagements and a wedding & they were so much fun.

I also had to fast during summer and the ma'3rib used to be at 8, so it was tough. Bs il7amdillah I'm done now.

That was at my cousin's wedding. Hani Mitwasi is so friggin' hot & the way he plays the guitar is sexy as hell :p.

That was at Lama's engagement. The setting was really nice. There was this huge stage in the middle of the 8a3a, and there were couches around the stage as you can see in the picture. Her & her Fiance's friends sat on the couches, the rest of the people sat on tables as you can see below.

So yeah that basicly was the high-light of my vacation. Other than that, hmm i've been reading, downloading music and watching series.

I've been addicted to this song <3.

Tagged By Hnew :p

2008-08-05T05:41:00.001-07:00

ID
Name: -
My friends call me: FiFi - Feebs - Fifs
My Nickname(s): Fffhhhh :p + all the above. Forgot the rest!
Major: Pissing off my mom :\
Job Title: Student

FAVES
Boys name: Omar - Khalid - Talal - Abdullah.
Girls name: Farah - Lameese - Bana.
Fruit: Strawberries - Mangoes - Green Apples.
Veggie: Cucumber.
Fast food place: Zee Diner
Favorite cartoon character: SpongeBob - Goofy
Ice Cream: Oreo

HAVE YOU EVER?!
Bungee jumped: No
Used someone: Yes
Had bloody nose: Once
Played truth or dare: All the time
Put your tongue on a frozen pole: hmm I think so
Been in a physical fight: haha alot of times
Knocked on wood: Yep
Broken a bone: Nope el7amdilah

LAST TIME
Laughed and why? All yesterday, because I was with Layan.
Cried and why? hmm I don't really remember. It's been a while.
Hugged someone and whom? Yesterday. Layan.
Recieved a call and from whom? A while ago. My aunt.
Used a pen and what did write? :$ A month ago ? I don't remember.
Lied and whats the truth? Today morning. My stomach wasn't hurting me, I just didn't feel like going :\
Recieved a message and from whom? 2 hours ago. My mother.
Took a shower: Today morning.
Put make-up on: Lama's Engagement?
Ride a bike: uuff a loooong time ago.
Broken the law: Last week.

WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO YOU?
Your family: Always there.
Your home: Privacy.
Your friends: My everything.
Yourself: Weirdo :)
Your birthday: Happiest day.
Your bedroom: My hiding place.
Your mobile: My love.
Your PC/laptop: I can't live without it.
Blogging: Boredom.
Money: Solves alot, but not everything.

RIGHT NOW
Eating: Nothing.
Thinking: "I want to go back to Riyadh :("
Smelling: Nothing :\.
Watching: Nothing.
Listening to: Shakhs Thani - Abdulmajeed Abdullah.
Feeling: Worried.
Wearing: Jeans and T-shirt.
Waiting for: My mom to wake up.
Hating: This situation.
Missing: My friends.
Loving: -
Worried about: The situation.
Planning: On meeting up with old friends today.
Annoyed with: Where I'm at.

MENTION TWO THINGS THAT
Make you happy: Layan - Rassem.
That you're obsessed with: Sushi - Snickers.
Make you sad: Not being able to do anything about this - Thinking about all the people who are leaving to college this year :"(
You hate: Animals - Pervs :S
You're doing: Txting.
You like to eat: Chocolate - Sushii
Smell Bad: Rexona - The inside of Century Cinemas "It smells like PEE"
About you: I <3 My friends more than anything - I'm really moody.
That you did today: Taken a cab - Watched TV
That you're good at: Basket Ball - Soccer.
That hurt: Seeing the ones you love in pain - Missing them.

RANDOM
Tell us something your "3ax el nas" about: I love Riyadh - I hate Mohammad 3abdo :)
Can you play any instruments? Not yet.
List four things that you are less than 3 meters away from: My phone - A bond - A cup - Head phones.
Have you ever been told you look like someone, if yes, who? Channing Tatum -__-
Are you enjoying this tag? It's starting to get boring.
What bad habits do you have? I'm moody :\
If you could have one day being the opposite gender, what would you do ? I'd use that thing illi bil men's bathrooms hahaha.
Worst thing that has happened to you this year: The death of HK.
What's your current Habba Song? Amout b 7obbak - Abdulmajeed.
Any last words? This is by far the worst summer ever. :)

Funniest Video

2008-07-06T09:06:00.000-07:00

It's so worth watching.

& He cracks me up every single time.

Tagged By Hana

2008-07-04T01:52:00.000-07:00

Put your answers to the following questions into the search field on Flickr.com and choose your favourite picture from the first page only and create your own mosaic here.
http://bighugelabs.com/flickr/mosaic.php

1. What's your name?
2. Your favourite food?
3. Your High School?
4. Your favourite colour?
5. Your celebrity crush?
6. Your favourite drink?
7. Dream Vacation?
8. Favourite dessert?
9. Your dream job?
10. The thing you like best in this world?
11. A word that describes you?
12. Your nickname?

I tag: Rawryy

Tagged By Rawryy!

2008-06-10T08:59:00.000-07:00

The Rules:1.)Link the person(s) who tagged you.
2.)Mention the rules on your blog.
3.)Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours.
4.)Tag 6 following bloggers by linking them.
5.)Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve
been tagged.

6 QUIRKS!

1- I <3 Math!

2- If I really like someone, I'll do anything and everything to make him/her happy.

3- I'm a music addict, I can't live without it.

4- Playing the Guitar is one of the things I want to learn before I die.

5- I'm afraid of next year, I don't want it to come! ='(

6- I tend to "is7ab" 3ala some people, not intentionly though! It's a really bad thing, which I have to stop.

Okay so I'm finally done with the TAG! :-D
Hope you don't shoot me Rawryy :-p :*

I tag, hmm..
Do I have to? Breaking the rules is my thing :-p so I guess I'm not going to tag anyone..
Till the next post, take care!

Don't want you to leave! <3

2008-05-23T08:24:00.000-07:00

Dearest sister,

It’s scary how time flies by so fast. I can still remember us talking about our future, dreaming about college as if it were yesterday. You told me it was too early to think about it. You told me we still had time. But look at you today, gathered here with all your friends and family, celebrating this precious occasion, your graduation day! You’re moving on, starting a new life on your own, but don’t worry this is just the end of the beginning. The real life is yet to come! Giving you a chance to be whoever you want to be. As Shakespeare once said “The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams."

Growing up with you has taught me great things. It has taught me how to deal with problems, how to appreciate everything I have. It has also taught me to stand up for myself & defend my rights, and for that I’m really thankful. You were always there for me, guiding me, helping me, and teaching me.

Now that you’re going away to college I’m going to actually have to go shopping to buy my own clothes, and I’m going to have to memorize the streets to get to where I want to go. I never knew what independency is, because I always had you to count on. As much as your absence is going to be hard, I think that it’s somehow going to be beneficial for both of us.

I am also sorry for all the hard times, and the stupid fights. I’m sorry for what I did, and what I didn’t do. And just so you know, with every minute that passes without you here with me, I’ll be missing you! And finally, I want to wish you the best with everything you do. Dearest sister, I LOVE YOU!

Your sister,
FiFi

Unite. DON'T FIGHT.

2008-05-11T10:48:00.000-07:00

When is this going to stop? This Insanity. This Stupidness. This MADNESS!
You might be Sunni, maybe Shei3i, or even Dorzi, but it DOESN'T MATTER. You're all LEBANESE! Yes, you all come from ONE country. LEBANON. If you don't want to put this craziness you're doing aside for the sake of the people, the victims, the children. Then you have to for the sake of YOUR COUNTRY. Where is Lebanon going to be in a few more years if the situation stayed like this? Tell me!! Captured and occupied by Israel? Or maybe America? Can't you see what they're doing here? They're manipulating you into fighting each other so that they can easily come and take your country away from you, kill your people, and steal what's yours!! I'm not Lebanese, but I'm an ARAB. & I care! You know why? Because if we stay like this, we are not going to accomplish anything in life & we're not going to reach anywhere. Palestine was first, and then came Iraq. Who's next?

I just have one request, only one.
ARABS, UNITE!!

It's A New Beginning From Today

2008-05-09T01:56:00.000-07:00

“Live everyday as if it will be your last. Remember that you will only find ''tomorrow'' on the calendars of fools. Forget yesterday's defeats and ignore the problems of tomorrow. This is it. Doomsday. All you have. Make it the best day of your year. The saddest words you can ever utter are, ''If I had my life to live over again. ''Take the baton, now. Run with it! This is your day! Start a new beginning today; treat everyone you meet, friend or foe, loved one or stranger, as if they were going to be dead at midnight. Extend to each person, no matter how trivial the contact, all the care and kindness and understanding and love that you can muster, and do it with no thought of any reward. Your life will never be the same again.”